Wednesday, May 5, 2010

After a Long Absence...

I am back on the blog. I had some distractions and, while those aren't all gone, I am going to make a game attempt to get back into the writing spirit.

A lot has happened in the world of sports since last I posted. The Duke Blue Devils won the NCAA championship over the now beloved Butler. The only good that came of this is we are ensured that a new generation of fans will revile Duke for the rest of their lives. Not every generation gets a Christian Laettner on which they can hang their hate, so this was needed.

Ben Roethlisberger was not charged yet was suspended from the NFL for sexual assault, or as the NFL likes to call it, conduct unbecoming... I am sure that during his six games off Ben will think very deeply about how to better get away with forcing sex on drunk girls. He is a class act and yet you can be sure the Steelers will not be leaning heavily on Ben for their marketing materials next season.

Tiger Woods came back and not soon after the golf world and its attendant media were actively seeking out his replacement. They went young--very young--and are hoping that one of Rory McIlroy, Ryo Ishikawa or Anthony Kim takes off and relieves the PGA of it's utter dependence on Tiger.  Reasons for the McIlroy methadone treatment? See Roethlisberger, Ben.

The Kentucky Derby was run, [some horse] won and now until May 15,  when the Preakness is held, we will read about [some horse]'s chances at the Triple Crown. This line of coverage will continue until the Belmont Stakes when, if [some horse] hasn't lost in Maryland, he will lose in Long Island. And with that,  horse racing season will come to a close and  no one except idle millionaires and Charles Bukowski fans will pay any attention to the horses on the track or even remember [some horse]'s name the following year. In case you were curious, you can tell the Bukowski fans by the bad smell, the half-empty flask sticking provocatively out of their back pocket and their penchant for swearing at God and hitting on anything with two tits.

 Would you have known the difference if I had picked a photo of some random racehorse?

Most importantly, baseball season has started and the fans of Philadelphia are already way out in front for vomiting, getting tased, and trying to get tased the very next night. Honestly, I don't see another fan base even coming close. Certainly, not in Oakland where they don't seem to have any fans at all. It is clear to me that if Charles Bukowski were a baseball fan, he would've been a Phillies fan.

In other baseball news, David Ortiz really doesn't seem like the same player since he went of the steroids, the Tampa Bay Rays are the best team in baseball (really) yet no one is coming to their games (really) and, most importantly, my main fantasy team is languishing in 8th place. More on the last item soon.

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